Over the past few days, different incidents have brought the topic of living with difficulty to my attention. As carer for my dear mum who is living out the latter days of Alzheimer’s with us, her family around her I often pray about my children being prepared for her passing. Though we don’t know the specific timing it is however inevitable and fairly imminent as we have been living with the disease for the past 10 years.
My main concern has been for my youngest who in his teens, is her youngest grandchild and is that beautiful mixture of sensitivity and bravado. I confess I have struggled with watching him make sense of her situation, and his many questions, most of them some form of why her?
As a mother my desire would be that we all dodge the pain but I know this is both unrealistic and unhealthy. That we are able to process, however that works on an individual level, and work towards acceptance, again on an individual level, is of course the healthy and necessary option. I am realising that in seeking to prepare him I am having to look more closely at my own attitudes towards working through difficult situations.
By nature I am a comfort seeker – aren’t we all? But I’m learning that being comforted has to be balanced with allowing myself to feel difficult emotions, isn’t this part of the growth process needed to become prepared for other difficult situations? In the book of Timothy Paul says that he should “endure hardness like a good soldier”. I believe that this is also good advice for us living in a world full of ups and downs. Soldiers are trained to get used to and accept difficult circumstances, like, going without sleep or food or sleeping in wet, cold or uncertain conditions. They can’t run to a comfortable dry bed, they have to deal with their conditions until circumstances change. Stay alert and keep going. Likewise in our daily lives. We are not soldiers in an army but in my book, life is plenty like a battle at times. Discomfort and pain are inevitable in some measure.
If we want to lose weight, for example, (I know that topic well!) or take up running (which I hate) we can’t reach for comfort food when we’re hungry or give up the moment the run becomes challenging. These choices will inevitably hinder progress or at the very least make us feel we have been around this block before!
Talking to my son and trying to help him to understand that we are not exempt from difficult circumstances even though God loves us has been challenging and hard for him to understand, especially when his nan is such a loving and kind person. But I feel we had a breakthrough with the footprints poem. God used it to help us both to better grasp the concept of walking through difficult seasons.
When taking a look at her life and seeing that Gods footprints were next to hers throughout, the author noticed that during her most difficult circumstances and seasons she could only see one set of footprints. She wasn’t surprised at that, as it was then that she felt most alone. The important truth that I got to illustrate to my son was that when her life was at its most difficult, she wasn’t aware of God’s presence and assumed she was alone but he had moved from a position beside her to a position of carrying her which was why there was only one set of foot prints. The ‘aha’ moment for me wasn’t that he was carrying her but that she was unaware of it. That really helped to illustrate to my son that we don’t always feel comforted, though we are being supported through difficulty and loss and that it is ok if we’re feeling sad.
I’ve realised that though the God of comfort will comfort us, sometimes, in fact, quite often, the difficult feelings during difficult times are not only valid but necessary and valuable and shouldn’t be avoided but accepted, even embraced as part of life’s process of growth. They validate the sweet times, make them more important. We value and appreciate them even more when we have seen the other side of the coin and when we’ve come through those seasons, we have empathy rather than sympathy when we meet others going through a winter season.
Winter can be hard, but there is much to be said for it, things to be appreciated in it. Coming in from the cold. That biting air reminding you that you are alive. That hot cup of chocolate or cosy scarf to give warmth. So it is in a winter season of life, in the midst of our pain, there is always something we can take from it, growth, some wisdom and when the season changes we will appreciate the warmth all the more and in time will find hope after sadness.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. That is a bible truth and I know that God doesn’t lie, even if the truth takes a while to be realised. This does not minimise or trivialise our loss, we will always miss our loved ones but there is hope and life to be enjoyed after loss.
As I Was Thinking 