My lovely mum has been on a journey with dementia since 2012, that’s going on 10 years. We have lived together, as a family for the duration it has been, is, a journey of perspectives. Hers, mine, the family’s. today I’m thinking about the perspective of hope versus acceptance. They seem like polar opposites but I am finding that they can co-exist.
She is the most selfless person I know, even writing now I am smile as I think that the first thing she’ll say to me in the morning is ‘and how are you feeling today’. Looking after her is an honour I have often struggled with, though less so as I become more accepting, less expecting and critical. My attitude can give hope or squash it. Am I going to enter into her world in critical mode because I’m convinced she can do better and is being difficult or am I going to enter into her world with acceptance and love? One attitude will give her hope, the other will take it away…. The choice is mine and I’ve learned, often by going around the same mountain many, many, have I said many times! that there is always a choice to be made by me to either give to or take away from her. The choice is to accept who she is now without losing hope for her daily life or the future or see the glass half empty and mourn daily for what she and I have lost. My responsibility is to care for her now, do my best for her now, accept now and let tomorrow take care of tomorrow.
I know that sounds trite and perhaps careless but with all our planning, we can only live one day at a time so wouldn’t we do well to live in the present?
So it strikes me that acceptance and hope can co-exist even compliment each other in a quirky, unique kind of way but in order for that to happen, there needs to be an absence of fear. Kind of like mismatching stripes and spots or tartans and colours. I grew up in a matching shoes and handbag generation but my designer friend has always turned that on its head with her dress sense matching colours and patterns, to this day, that I wouldn’t have the confidence to wear and certainly wouldn’t put together! {sorry M!} but like hope and acceptance they somehow work and not only work, they compliment each other in a truly unique way. But even in the fashionable world of mismatching, some things (I’m old school!) just don’t work and I’m sure, that in due season everyone will see the light!
Seriously though, throw a little fear into the mix and hope gets lost and acceptance looks more like depression. For me, the absence of fear in my mum’s situation is possible because I know who holds her future, both here and on the other side even though I don’t know exactly what that future looks like. I have my ideas and my thoughts but I don’t need to put legs on them, dot the ‘I’s’ or cross the ‘t’s. That time will come and in the meantime we move the goal posts as necessary with God saying to us:
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you do not fear, I will help you. ISAIAH 41 V 13.
As I Was Thinking 